Saturday 26 December 2015

Message for Yuletide


As end of the year draws nigh,
We look on to the New Year.
Glorify he, who is on high,
In all things, be of good cheer.
He did not fail with the gift of rain,
Neither did he fail with shine.
He always ensured there was grain,
And meat for us to dine.
Open your barns for all to come merry,
Including, the friend who lacks and borrows,
You were blessed to be his fairy,
Which will, with grain fill his barrows.
Let your lips spew forth his praise,
And good prophecies for all.
That the New Year will come only with a raise,
And in health and wealth, we’ll all grow tall.
Happy Holidays!
December 25th, 2015

But Why?



In my recent hiatus from the hustle and bustle of lagos city life and its attendant traffic jams, fuel queues, lack of power, etc, to go and sojourn in a foreign land- the country of birth of d great Isaac Newton. I was privileged to attend the christening of a beautiful baby in which, if the pleasantness of the atmosphere and the best wishes of the guests (if the joy on there faces can be correlated with their good wishes for the Lil girl), then I will say her life is made and full of promise.

However, as I keenly observed the fanfare, dancing and eating (there was more than enough), while slowly sipping the Courvoirsier my amiable host dropped for me alone(he was a great host), I noticed one slim lady dat seemed to be overly excited (whether alcohol induced or not, I do not know).

She was dancing excitedly, even though she wasn't such a fantastic dancer.

As I observed her closely, I noticed something funny about her waist. It appeared as if both buttocks were hanging a bit off her body i.e. like they were an attachment to her frame and were asymmetrical.

In my confusion, I pointed my observation to my niece who then laughed and immediately said the lady was putting on one of those fashion fake bums.

I was surprised to say the least because I had never seen someone putting on one.

I was left with one question,

"but why? To what end?"

Vanity!

November 2nd, 2015

The Story of Adam and Steve: A Different Perspective

11443998-couple-holding-hands
Firstly, I want to state categorically state that I in no way support same sex relationships. I believe it is not the way nature designed our sexualities to interact, even though it appears to be becoming a fad these days. My Christian religion teaches that in the beginning God created a woman for man and not a man for a man – “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”. I also do not know any religion that has been around for a while that openly promotes it, even though we are beginning to see a lot of confusion in the church as they now wed two men or two women. I believe a man is made for a woman and the woman for man- nothing more, nothing less. A lot of us believe this, hence, we are quick to pass judgment on gay couples and quickly distance ourselves. Should this always be the case?
Long ago, I read a book in which a Tibetan doctor admonished people against quick condemnation of same sex couples. He argued that every human being has male and female hormones amongst other genetic material. He then stated like we know today, that the men are primarily driven by testosterone and the women by oestrogen. In other words, you are driven by the hormone that is dominant in you. However, he further argued that sometimes due to genetic accidents (that are getting more common by the day), some people are born with the external characteristics of one sex and the internals of the other. The implication is that, a man born with more of the internal make up of a woman may be attracted to his fellow men sexually without knowing why. This is simply because he is actually a woman. This, in extreme instances may lead to the man developing more feminine features in later life(which has forced some to change sexes in later life recently). He therefore proposed two types of gays. There are those that are born with deep rooted medical conditions and those that learnt the trade. Those who learnt the trade are condemnable in my judgment, but those who are born with conditions deserve our sympathy.  We know the story of the female South African athlete http://www.foxnews.com/story/2009/09/11/report-champion-runner-has-both-female-male-sexual-characteristics/?
Also, we hear about transgender people who change their sexes like this little girl who identified herself as a girl from when she started talking, despite being born a boy. You might ask where she learnt to see herself that way at such a tender age.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/southamerica/argentina/10339296/Six-year-old-becomes-first-transgender-child-in-Argentina-to-change-identity.html
I had read this while I was still in secondary school and have struggled with it since then. I did not want to listen to any reason to justify what I think is totally anti-nature and anti-christianity. It just didn’t make sense. However, with the preponderance of information on the net and the general ease of disseminating information today, we are more aware of issues and medical conditions which hitherto were unknown. We see transgender people, hermaphrodites and the likes.
I now recently watched a program on discovery, national geographic channel or one of those scientific channels where same sex affiliation was established among animals, including the lion in all his majesty. I then remembered what I had read many years ago and after some deep thought, am tending towards concluding that there are cases where same sex relationships is caused by genuine reasons like genetic accidents or some other reason and not that it is always learnt. Otherwise, we may have to start finding answers to where the animals learnt it from since they are considered incapable of “invention” and just behave as they are wired to by nature or as they are taught. Even if we say some were taught, how come it has been established across so many species of animals and across continents?
So, if you remember or see same sex couples that developed these tendencies in their formative years despite been raised in very normal homes or environments, look more deeply before you pass judgment.
Finally, nobody should use this or similar argument to justify his or her sexual orientation. If you think you have a problem, please seek medical help.
September 28, 2013

Your Wedding: Your Family’s New Business?

marry
I once went out with a female friend for a drink. While there, sitting in front of a pool, talking, reducing the liquid content of a bottle of red wine, and nibbling at some tasty barbecue fish, her phone rang. I did not pay particular attention to her conversation as I busied myself listening to the old school music playing in the background, singing along in my mind the lines I remember, and enjoying the attendant flashes of pleasant memories that came with such songs. However, I noticed that she was really animated by the conversation. I think the music stopped temporarily and started again, or skipped a beat due to a bad CD or so, because, at this point I heard her say “if he truly loves her, he will do it”. For some reason, this statement ignited the fire of curiosity in me and I decided to probe.
It turned out that her friend had called, to talk about another friend, who had been dating a guy for years. They were very much in love, and among friends, epitomized what true love should be. They then decided to take it to the next level, and that was where the problem started. Among the list of things the guy was to do, he was to pay the sum of one (or was it two?) million naira as his contribution towards the building of a house for the girl’s father. I then asked my friend what she thought about the situation. Her response was the same as I had heard earlier – if he truly loves her, he will do it. Somehow, I did not understand that line of thinking, and still don’t.
I then asked her whether the guy had a house of his own. She said she did not know. I asked whether he has built one for his father. She also said she did not know. I then asked what the guy did, and she responded that he worked in a bank. I then asked her if her brother was the guy in question, and he does not have a house of his own, whether she will encourage him to build one for his fiancée’s father. She fell silent.
Now, I asked her what her idea of a budget wedding would cost. She said about two million naira. I laughed, and went on to tell her that the guy’s salary was in the same range as hers (my friend’s), since she worked with one of our telecom giants. Let’s assume for the sake of argument that he is paid N200k a month. He will feed, pay rent, transport to work, etc. Let’s assume he is very prudent and accomplishes all of these with N100k, it will still take him about two years to save two million. Adding another million for the house, adds another year to his burden. After the wedding, what will they survive on if he uses all of three years savings to marry his wife, who at that point had not found a job? I then told her that I can even beat my chest that part of the original two million (working with her budget) would have been borrowed. Assuming one million was borrowed and you add the bill for the house, the young man would have been forced into two years of indebtedness. I then asked, “If this becomes the situation, is she a blessing or a curse in his life?”
We have all heard of cases where grooms are extorted in different guises because they decided to go ahead marry the woman they love. Is this supposed to be so? In my mind, any father that does this is shameless and will end up reducing himself and his family before his prospective in-laws. In the case cited here, the young man could not afford it. I know of guys who can afford it ten times over but will never do it. Once, a very wealthy guy from my place went to marry a woman from a neighboring riverine community where it was the custom to buy trunk boxes of assorted wrappers for the wife, and after the wedding, leave it in the lady’s family house. He bought the best of everything for his wife. However, after the wedding, he insisted everything is going back with them. He bought it for his wife and she will be in his house, therefore, her clothes should be where she was going to be most of the time. He went as far as threatening to call off the wedding even after they had finished all the rites. They finally let the couple go with the things. For this guy, it was not about the money spent on the wrappers as that was very small compared to all the other things he did. It was more about what made sense to him. Some traditions just need to be reviewed. It goes beyond trying to show how much you love and want to be with your woman. Moreover, who says this is where the extortion will end? I bet it will be for life as long as you remain married to their daughter.
I now wonder, since when did becoming a slave for your in-laws become a sign of true love? Are we going back to the days of Moses, that he had to work for his father in-law  for seven years to still marry a fake, and then work another seven years for the woman he wants? Should fathers get lazy all their lives, being men only in the bedroom, and hoping to have beautiful daughters that will attract men that will change their fortunes? Should daughters compound it by justifying it as a show of love if the man pulls it off? Since the trend is on the rise, I am forced to ask the ladies that think like my friend, is your wedding now supposed to be your family’s business venture, with huge profit forecasts? The ladies need to actively engage their parents when issues like these arise in their relationships, otherwise, they will help fast track the bible prophecy in Isaiah 4:1.
November 29, 2013

Aero Contractors and the “Operational Reason”

aero
One would think that after the Dana air crash, and the attendant noise made by the ministry of aviation, all other airlines would have improved on their safety culture, to help forestall reoccurrence. That may not be the case as the ministry of aviation may be able to bark, but I am not sure about the bite. Also, one would expect the airlines to improve on their customer relations, but that also is far from what we see. In fact, they get worse every day. They reschedule and cancel flights at will, with the simple excuse of “due to operational reasons” and without any consideration for the passenger. After all, would you rather fly, but not get to your destination? This argument will stand if there is consistency in the application of this reason.
I had booked for a flight to Benin (AJ 191), for November 30, 2013 to attend a friend’s wedding. The flight was for 8 a.m. However, I got a text on the evening of Friday that the flight had been rescheduled to 9 a.m. due to operational reasons. I did not bother as this would not change my plan so much. I was still leaving the house by 6 am or earlier, in order to get to the airport before 7 am as that was a “sanitation Saturday” in Lagos. I got to the airport, waited and happily went to board when the flight was called just about 9am. Every regular flyer must be tired of the delays from all the airline operators. We finished boarding, and after some attempts to shut the door, it was announced that the door could not be shut properly. Some people were called to check it, I guess their engineers. After a while, they shut the door and said it was a malfunctioning sensor that was the cause of the problem. With a sigh of relief, we took off.
No sooner had I shut my eyes for a short nap, than the pilot announced something like the door did not shut properly and we were losing pressure. He then announced that we were returning to Lagos. By this time, we had spent about ten to fifteen minutes in the air. We landed Lagos safely. It was announced that another flight would be arranged by 12.40 p.m. Even if the flight landed by 12,40p.m. , We would have taken time to board and take off. This means that ETA in Benin would be around 2p.m.  I decided I was not going anymore, since I would miss the wedding.  A lot of other people had similar issues. A woman was taking her daughter for the wedding to be the little bride. She said she had come the previous day and was told her name was not in the system despite providing proof of payment. She was put on the Saturday flight as they claimed the one of Friday was fully booked by the time she got there. I later learnt from my friend (the groom) that his little bride was missing in the event and an emergency arrangement had to be made. Also, a young man and his fiancée were going to see her relatives and he had just that day as he was returning to his base in Jos the next day. Consequently, he had to reschedule. There was an elderly woman that was flying for the first time and I wonder what would have been going through her mind. The list goes on and on.
Those of us that were no longer traveling asked for a refund and we were told to go to their head office to apply. When we made some noise about how unreasonable that was as we were about twenty, the supposed manager was called and the situation explained. Her response was that she was having breakfast. At that point, we couldn’t take it anymore. We said we were going to be paid cash there and then or there will be no further ticket sales. Thanks to the strength in our numbers, they realized that there was trouble and decided to pay.
Now why did operational reason, safety or whatever not stop them from flying that aircraft knowing it had issues? Were they willing to gamble with our lives, rather than lose that revenue? I have since believed that this”operational reason” nonsense usually comes up when they want to merge flights or take advantage of passengers somehow. Otherwise, why would anybody want to fly an airline with such an issue? Aircraft cabins are pressurized for passengers’ comfort, and flying above about 12,500 ft without pressurized cabin exposes one to health issues including but not limited to: Hypoxia, Altitude sickness, decompression sickness and Barotraumas. Some of which can lead to thrombosis or stroke. So, cabins are pressurized to help your body function as if it were fairly close to sea level which is or close to the level of your normal dwelling. Looking at this drama so far, I have assumed gradual loss of cabin pressure. If the differential is high enough, with the door not properly sealed, you can have an explosive decompression as the door can be blown out. This can turn all loose objects into missiles, which increases the complexity of the possible outcomes.  I just hope things like these are looked at more seriously going forward. The overhauling of the aviation sector must be holistic and not just fixing of airports.
Also, why did we have to make noise and threaten to disrupt their business before we were paid? I would have expected them to be embarrassed by the situation and try to pacify us as quickly as possible, without attracting attention. Did the manager or whoever it was that they called have to display such disregard for us by dismissing us with a wave of the hand and that insensitive statement of “I am having breakfast”? Do they realize that to a large extent, serving the public requires some personal sacrifice? I wonder the type of training these guys undergo.
However, in all of these, I have last minute praise for the pilot, for having the courage to go back to Lagos which was still closer. One could have argued that since he had one landing to do, he could have as well gone to land in Benin. I hope he doesn’t get into trouble for doing the right thing?
Finally, as I write this in the comfort of my home, Thanking God for my life, I seriously wonder what the Aviation ministry is doing about safety and protection of the right of passengers. Cases like these abound and I hope we have not seriously taken issues like these as acts of God that nothing can be done about?
December 14, 2013

Between Faith and Reason

faith-and-reason
As we face the challenges of life on a daily basis, many a time we hear Christians make positive pronouncements that are supposedly based on their faith. This is particularly so, when they are facing trying times. However, I am often lost when I hear some as I struggle to make sense out of them. To put things in perspective, I will cite a few examples here and the reasons for my confusion.
John is a devout member of the church and so is Joy. John is handsome, rich and educated – the typical “every woman’s dream”. Joy is homely, beautiful and educated as well. No man could have wished for more. Now, John goes to the pastor to indicate his interest in taking Joy as his wife. Pastor calls Joy and discloses John’s intentions and asks both of them to go and pray about it to be sure that each is God’s will for the other. After the prayers, John, Joy and even the pastor agree that God has spoken to them that they were made in heaven. The church then asks them to go for series of tests to confirm genotype, HIV status, etc. After this, if all is okay, the wedding holds and we have a new Mr. and Mrs. otherwise, it is called off.
Now, the question is – which God spoke to them? God is omnipotent and omniscient. This means he can bring to pass whatever he chooses and knows all things. If this is so, is going for tests after hearing directly from God not outright stupidity and undermining his omnipotence? Do you question God? It is my thinking that if God really speaks to you, as a Christian, you will obey like Abraham, even if it means sacrificing your only child, marrying a mad person or a prostitute like Hosea. Your faith should make you believe that he will change the situation for the better, bearing in mind that “God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” 1Corinthians 10:13.  The bible also says “he who finds a wife, finds a good thing ………” and not he who God has found a wife for….
It is even funny when you review some divorces that have taken place in recent times, only to find out that some of the people involved were “spoken to” by God in the beginning. Since divorce is generally not perceived to be good, does going for a divorce years or months later, after being spoken to by God to marry someone not contravene what the bible said about good gifts? Every good and perfect gift comes from God. Divorce means something is “bad” somewhere. Did God give them bad gifts?
Again, Simon is a devout Christian. By simple chance, he found himself in some place where he was exposed to bad water. He fell ill and instead of going to see a doctor, decided to start praying and probably fasting. This is probably due to his belief that every physical affliction is a manifestation of the spiritual machinations of demons. He collapsed after a week of neither taking proper treatment nor getting better. He was rushed to the hospital, where he was diagnosed to be suffering from typhoid. He was promptly treated and in a few days, he was back on his feet, hale and hearty.
It is obvious that Simon could have easily lost his life as a result of his carelessness in the exercise of his faith. Now, if all our ailments are caused by demons, how come non-Christians fall ill, go to the clinic, take drugs and get well? Does it mean the drugs are anti-demonic? Does it mean our pharmacists and doctors produce and administer anti-demonic drugs? Does it mean there are chemicals that kill demons?
I also recall a schoolmate who married his girl just after we left the University. They had dated virtually all through school and it was the reasonable thing to do judging by the fact that they genuinely loved each other. Now, no sooner were they married than she took in – praise God! However, during one of the routine checkups, it was discovered that she had a serious case of fibroid. Their doctor advised that she goes for a surgery immediately but it will also mean termination of the pregnancy. The doctor gave the advice believing her life to be in danger if she allowed the pregnancy to grow without having the surgery. They decided to get another doctor’s opinion. The girl’s parents took her to their family doctor, who after series of tests gave the same verdict. I can’t remember whether they saw a third doctor but the guy said he had faith that his wife would be fine. He insisted they were not going for the surgery despite pleas from her family. He was proved right as the wife did not go for the surgery, yet delivered safely.
Now, I was at home one day when a friend of blessed memory came to visit. He broke the news to me and said the faith of the guy in question had seen him through. I remember saying they called it faith because the outcome was consistent with the expectation. Otherwise, he would have been called stupid and obstinate. In fact, some would have gone as far as accusing him of killing his wife by omission if she had died. For me, it was simply not the right decision, irrespective of the outcome.
We often hear the typical Gate man to General Manager or grass to grace stories and you hear everybody claiming to “key into it”, without asking what level of work (education) the gate man had put-in in the past to prepare him for the opportunity and how long it took him to become GM. Rarely will any company make one a GM from the position of a security man just based on paper qualifications. The proper sequence will be to employ him and give him accelerated promotion based on his performance – if he performs. The whole story may have been a fifteen year saga but summarized as “gateman to GM” using the end points. Also, people pray to pass exams without putting in the appropriate amount of work to prepare for the exams. This is blind faith and not different from having faith in some tree, or piece of rock as being God or creator of the universe. It appears that people bring up faith when they want to get both intellectually and physically lazy.
Our ancestors worshipped Ogun, Sango, Amadioha, etc. However, when they were presented with the concept of an invisible almighty God, they must have reasoned that the creator cannot be some manmade carved stone, wood or iron hence, they accepted. I must admit that many times the conversion was more with a gun rather than the bible. In the few cases cited above just like others, I see intelligent people losing their sense of reasoning or having an increased reluctance to reason when it comes to matters of faith.
In all, I cannot but agree with Mahatma Gandhi that “Faith must be enforced by reason. When faith becomes blind it dies.” In my mind, faith should not be unreasonable even though I agree that it cannot be proved rationally. If for example, one has an accident in which his ear or any other member of his body is cut off, no amount of faith can make the ear or body member leave the ground and be stuck back into place. He needs to go to the hospital to stitch it. If there can be no reasoning when matters of faith arise, how can one perform his fundamental duty as a Christian, go soul winning, become fisher of men? How can you convert someone without reasoning with your proposed convert? Even God Himself invites you to reason with Him in Isaiah 1:18.
We can go on and on but, let me make this brief by adding a final line. Even the bible in Thessalonians asks you to reason. “But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good” 1 Thessalonians 5:21. The final question will then be, how do you examine to determine what is good without reasoning?
January 7th, 2014

Our Diversity: Our Strength

nigeria2
From primitive times, we have prided ourselves with our prowess in fishing, hunting, farming, etc. These have survived through the ages, as in many rural African communities, we still give honor to the farmer who harvested the biggest tuber of yam in a farming season, the hunter who caught the biggest bush meat or caught a big python or alligator with his bare hands, or even the fisherman that caught the biggest fish.  In the wider modern world, some of these tests of our skills or gifts have evolved into different sports that people go through a lot of physical strain to train to the required level of perfection to be found worthy of being shortlisted to compete, and hopefully, win national and international honor and fame.
Man is very competitive by nature; hence, titles have evolved to honor those who have been outstanding in almost every field of human endeavor. We take pride in being the best graduating student in our class, having a first class, being the world record holder for the one hundred meter race, world boxing heavy weight champion, winner of the Noble prize for Physics, etc. However, have we in our pride as humans, found time to look at our competitors? Are we really the best out there in terms of these skills we take so much pride in? A look at some animal record breakers may give a different perspective and probably humble us a bit.
The Rhinoceros Beetle is considered the world’s strongest creature. It can lift up to 850 times its body weight. A man with this relative strength would be able to lift some 65 tons (59 metric tons). Such a person can serve as a human crane. Note that our world champions in weight lifting have lifted a maximum of under 300kg in any single category.
The Spittle Bug holds the record for high jump. It is about 0.2in in length, but can jump up to 28in into the air. A man with this relative ability will be able to jump to the top of a 70 storey building. Our world high jump champion jumps way less than 3 meters.
The Bar-tailed Godwit holds the marathon title. In 2007, it flew for nine straight days, from Alaska to New Zealand, without stopping for food or water. It covered 11,500km and lost 50 percent of its body weight in that journey. Our marathon champion prides himself with 42.2km.
The Peregrine Falcon can attack its prey at speeds of 322km/h or 89.4m/s. This bird can cover 100 meters in 1.12s. Usain Bolt runs this in a little above 9.5s.
Great White Sharks have a remarkable sense of smell. They can detect a single drop of blood in 100L of water and can sense tiny amounts of blood 5km away. A man with this ability can serve as a centrally located super safety device, e.g. smoke detector, in a circular estate with a 5km radius. Such an estate will have about 121,000 houses assuming 650 sqm per plot (Lagos State Standard). I can bet that there are smaller cities in the world.
Spider’s silk is one of the strongest materials known to man. It is five times stronger than steel (weight per weight). Today, we build hundreds of storeys high with steel, but can only imagine how far we can go with a material this strong, if only we can find a way to exploit it.
The Bald Eagle can see a moving rabbit nearly a mile away. The phrase ‘eagle eye’ comes from this ability of eagles.
Having looked at some of the feats animals perform and realizing that we are just beginners relative to them, how come man is at the top of the chain; the center of our world as we know it, doing as we please? I have asked many people this question and they all gave the same answer- man is more intelligent than the animals. I agree that we are a lot more intelligent, but from experience, is the most intelligent always the most successful? An absolute no! I thought deep, long and hard before I found an answer –DIVERSITY!
There are different definitions of this very powerful concept but I will use that by the University of Oregon which states:
“The concept of diversity encompasses acceptance and respect. It means understanding that each individual is unique, and recognizing our individual differences.  These can be along the dimensions of race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, age, physical abilities, religious beliefs, political beliefs, or other ideologies.  It is the exploration of these differences in a safe, positive, and nurturing environment. It is about understanding each other and moving beyond simple tolerance to embracing and celebrating the rich dimensions of diversity contained within each individual”.
It is simply our ability to work together, leveraging on each other’s strengths irrespective of our differences to achieve our set objectives. A lion will never work with a goat, neither a cat with a mouse. Little wonder companies always look for team players. Managers are often those who can work with everybody the most and achieve the best results without necessarily being the most knowledgeable. Our innate ability to work together; our diversity, has brought us this far. We should therefore, keep looking for ways of exploiting it for the good of all.
To paint a clearer picture, let us look at a different scenario. Imagine if the course of evolution had been different and the animals had developed to learn and speak each other’s languages. In prehistoric times, the animal would have lived in some jungle. The Eagle would have mounted sentry on top the tallest tree. If the Eagle can see a rabbit that is about 8in on the average 5km away, it can see a man a lot more than 10km away. It can then tell the soldier ants and bees that the men are coming from say, the north gate. The bees will attack and scatter the hunters for the snakes, lions and Crouching Tigers to feast on. Remember, man at this time would have had clubs and bows and arrows as weapons, so the eagle would have been very much out of range. It might interest you to know that even with our best rifles today, the eagle would still have been way out of range. The record for the longest range rifle kill is 2.8km and was binoculars assisted.
It is obvious with this simple scenario, that the story of evolution would have been different. Humans would have probably starved and would have been subjugated by the animals. We would have been used to do menial labor. Today, we probably would have been measuring power in units of manpower, black man power, white man power, woman power, etc instead of horsepower. Furthermore, the Lions and Tigers would have been having human limbs for dinner as we have chicken wings and thighs today.
Many developed countries have long recognized the power of diversity and have been tapping into it. The US and Canada (just to name a few), have programs in place that tap into this by attracting the best minds in the world and creating a nurturing environment for them to flourish. I am therefore saddened that Nigeria, being one of the most naturally diverse countries in the world, with over 510 languages and probably as many tribes is still this backward. Instead of nurturing and exploiting our diversity, we have failed to accept and respect each other; we play politics with everything and keep pursuing ethnocentric agendas, voting along tribal and religious lines, nepotism holds sway and some people believe that it is their right to rule in perpetuity even without any noteworthy antecedents. In all of this, I am now forced to wonder, whether diversity; even though in the general evolution of man, has been a blessing, in Nigeria, has it been anything but a curse?
January 31, 2014

A life of Lies

Lies
My alma mater’s Old Boys Association recently formed a BB group. This was the brain child of one of our members in Lagos.  Most members have been flung far and wide by their search for the Golden Fleece and participation in the association’s meetings waned over the years. Members in Lagos have been able to hold just one meeting since I relocated to Lagos in 2007.Now, irrespective of the fact that we were all happy seeing each other after many years during that meeting and had promised to be meeting regularly, we have not been able to keep that promise.  It was therefore very exciting to be able to reach out to so many childhood friends currently in different parts of the world and hold virtual meetings at will.
The first few days involved a lot of catching up on everybody, what we did and where we were. We even found out those that had passed on that we didn’t know about and dedicated a chat room to their memory. We threw jabs at each other, remembering the best times of our lives, when we had no worries and how we had shared it together. The feeling in the group was electric with excitement and consequently, everybody was inviting every old boy he had in his contact. This was not something one should experience alone. It was worth sharing- as if we were reliving the part of our lives with our fondest childhood memories.
It was therefore surprising when some people declined the invitation for different reasons but we respected their positions. It was however shocking when one person said he did not attend my alma mater. This is someone we all know very well, most people remember his name and surname. He now claims to have attended FGC. I think he probably went to rewrite his SSCE there, otherwise I don’t see the connection with FGC. How can someone lie about his past to people who shared that past with him? If someone can tell such blatant lies, it is scary to imagine what he can say to people who don’t know him at all.
It is also arguable that in those days, my alma mater was better than FGC and the few private schools then were second class. So, I wonder whether it is an issue of complex that is making him now claim a history he does not have. I tried to understand why someone would tell such an unintelligent lie, and then recalled some lies in the past that also didn’t make sense and there was absolutely no need for.
A girl once told me that she doesn’t eat overnight bread (she eats bread that was made same day). I wondered whether their house had been a bakery while she was growing up as most people grew up buying bread in the evening/night for breakfast in the morning before running off to school. The sad part was that I saw half a loaf of bread in her fridge months down the line. I asked when she bought it, obviously forgetting what she had told me months ago, she said it was two days earlier. I just shook my head and kept mum.
Also, I once went out with my friends and one of them came with a girl. When we offered her a drink, she asked for red wine. For the sake of conversation, one of my friends asked her what else she drank in case she goeswhere there was no red wine and her answer was champagne. Of course the next question was, “for how long now?” She said that she used to sip from her dad’s glass as a kid and these were the only things he drank. So the friend that came with her asked her whether she could drink a bottle as the guys were doing spirit. She answered in the affirmative. So a bottle was brought for her and to prove that it was a piece of cake to her, she drank all of it. It was obvious that she struggled. She was practically carried from the car into the house as she literally passed out in the car. She slept from 11pm until afternoon of the next day and woke up shame faced. The next time we all went out, someone tried to order red wine for her, she declined and said she wanted Smirnoff Ice instead.
A friend once met a girl who spoke as if she came back from London yesterday after spending all her life there. She kept going on about how she visits her Aunt in London, Uncle in Germany etc. After a few outings together and on this occasion, she was already tipsy, someone asked what part of London she stays any time she travelled and she said she had never been to London.
We have heard of people who denied their parents in public, people claiming to be what they are not, etc. Reflecting on these made me ask the question, why do people tell lies? Below are some of the reasons I could come up with. People tell lies:
  • To impress,
  • To save face,
  • To shift blame,
  • To avoid confrontation,
  • To get one’s way,
  • To be nice,
  • To make one’s self feel better.
It is clear that the examples I cited above were mainly to impress and this seems to be the most common reason for adults. However, this does not make sense when applied to the case of the classmate that denied attending our alma mater. I am therefore inclined to think that he is a pathological liar. These people tell lies to the point that they believe their own lies.  What I am not sure of, is whether this problem also comes with stupidity.
Cheers.
April 5th, 2014

A Strumpet’s Tale

unfaithful
One of the few of my many childhood friends that remained friends with me into adulthood came to Lagos on a business trip from his base in Port-Harcourt. As was expected from one “Governor” visiting the domain of another, before the trip, he called me up, informed me of his intended visit to Lagos and inquired whether I was in town and disposed for us to hookup. Of course, I was disposed. I always look forward to such meetings when they come up.
The agreed day came and after the day’s business had been settled, I went to see my friend in his hotel, somewhere in Lekki phase one. After we exchanged pleasantries and I congratulated him on the birth of his first child, he ordered Hennessey and some small chops for us.
As we slowly but surely reduced the content of the bottle, while emptying plates of "asun", piece by piece, I asked after his family, older brothers and some of his cousins who also became my friends back then. As I mentioned one name after another, he briefly told me what he/she was up to, where the person was and how life was with him or her generally. The stories, to my happiness were all positive until I asked after a particular cousin of his whom for the sake of this narrative will be referred to as Charles. I felt so sorry for Charles and have tried to rationalize the whole drama without any success. I am therefore telling this story here to solicit discussion as to whether there are justifiable reasons why things like this should happen.
Charles has been married for over fourteen years and has three kids with his wife. He has been based in Lagos for over eighteen years. However, he suddenly moved his family to Port-Harcourt to the consternation of his relatives. Everyone saw that he was doing well and believed he was well settled in Lagos. They were therefore surprised that he was coming back to Port-Harcourt to virtually start afresh. They later found out that he was still operating more in Lagos and shuttling between Lagos and Port Harcourt generally. Everyone thought it was stressful but believed when he was well settled; most of his operations would be in Port-Harcourt since it was his plan to make it his base.
He operated like this for a while without issues, until he returned from one of his frequent trips after being in Lagos for over a week. Bear in mind that because of the fact that he was hardly around and the very private life he leads, he was not yet well known in the neighborhood. On this fateful day, in the evening, he told his wife that he wanted to take a look around. He took a long walk just to have a feel of the area and on his way back, decided to stop at some bar not too far from his house and cool off with an ice cold bottle of beer. As he took the first glass of beer, almost in one gulp, he felt life coming back to him as every nerve end in his body tingled in excitement. As he went on with his drink, his mind took in the details of his surroundings while simultaneously working on thoughts around his business.
Suddenly, he heard one of the two guys seated at a table in front of him say something like “Oh boy! I like this woman too much, I go scope her oh!” The other replied, “She don marry oh! I hear say the husband na correct man, but business dey always carry am travel”. He raised his head to see the lady they were talking about, lo and behold; it was his wife who had gone to buy something from a nearby shop. The first then said, “Even though she don marry, I hear say she dey do. In fact, she dey do Mr. XXX.” After she passed, the guys started discussing something else. Not long after, he left. He was badly shaken. Could this be true?
What he heard that night troubled him greatly. He kept replaying it in his head, “…..I hear say she dey do ……” A day or two later, he traveled again to Lagos. It was here he conceived his plan. He bought one of these Chinese phones with a voice modulation function (I didn’t know about this) and got a new sim card. He then called his wife. After singing praises of her exceptional beauty, told her that he was the contractor that was in charge of a nearby road project. He went on to tell her that he had admired her since she moved to the area and that he would love to have a relationship with her. He thought about her every day and all. He expected her to say she was married and not interested. She did not, instead she played along.
He called her frequently and after a while, she started asking for little money which he gave. He said he was out of town and would see her when he returned. She then asked for fifty thousand naira and he promised to give her that when they would meet on his return.
Charles then went to Port-Harcourt and told another of his cousins the story and it was planned that they would get somebody who would act as the contractor – they got one. His aim was to see whether this would go through. They briefed the guy on the plan and he just asked, “How far should I go”? Charles said “all the way”. He wanted to get undeniable proof and at the same time praying it would not happen.
They then went to his part of town, took a room in a hotel that was not too far off, called his wife and told her to meet him in the hotel. He had informed her of his coming – speaking in the capacity of the contractor. He then agreed with the guy not to lock the door and to call him if he gets her compromised.
Charles and his cousin stayed where they could see the entrance of the hotel. They saw his wife alight from a taxi cab and walk in. They waited for the agreed call for some time and when it didn’t come, decided to go and see for themselves. Before going in, he called his wife with his real number. After exchanging pleasantries, he asked where she was and she said that she was at home. He then asked to speak with the kids and she said one had a fever and she had gone to a nearby pharmacy to get drugs. He asked to speak with the pharmacist to have an idea of nature of the drugs since pharmacists can say anything just to sell. She said she had left there and was on her way back to the house but it was just paracetamol that she bought. So, at this point, he moved in. He had no issues going past the reception since he was the one that paid for the room. While on the stairs, a text message came into his phone. It was from the guy acting as the contractor, telling him to come quickly.
They got to the door, he opened it gently and the sight that greeted him was shocking to say the least. She was spread-eagled on the bed, but with her legs raised to the heavens, moaning her head off as the ‘contractor’ rammed into her with thrust after thrust. Charles just brought out his phone and took pictures, as much as he could even though he was shaking. Now, the guy had positioned her in such a way that their heads were towards the door. So, being on top, he saw them come in. He hid his face when Charles started taking the pictures. After a few clicks of the camera and the apparent change in rhythm, she knew something was different. On looking around to find out what was happening, she exposed her face to be properly captured in her show of shame. The words that escaped her lips were “Ah! Charles set me up and I fell for it!” There was no remorse!
He left the scene with his cousin and the “contractor”. After weeping for a few days (my friend said he wept like a baby), he summoned courage and packed her things. He took them to her parents, told them what had happened and that it was over. He later said that, this was one of the reasons that led to his leaving Lagos for Port-Harcourt. He didn’t want to break his family on account of the things he found out in Lagos, but wanted to try his best to make his marriage work despite having had STDs a few times without knowing where they came from and hearing so much talk about his wife and her unfaithfulness. Her story was common knowledge in their neighborhood in Lagos and he was the last to know that his wife was a serial adulteress. He talked with her and she denied vehemently. He had lived in shame from the period he found out to when they left Lagos. He believed the change of environment will make things different. He never expected it to start again, at least not so soon. She was unrepentant! It was in her blood, he concluded.
Later, her brothers came to take the kids. They said he should give them the kids since he didn’t want their sister anymore. He refused, the argument turned into a fight and he raised an alarm. The guys in the neighborhood, who were well aware of what had happened, came out and beat the living daylights out of them and finally took them to the police station for attempted kidnap.
I was really saddened by this story which sounded very much like a script from a Nollywood movie. We know that similar cases abound and even religious leaders that are supposed to be moral beacons now fall to the temptations of the flesh. What is really happening in our society? Can anybody give a rational explanation or a justifiable reason why a woman who took vows of holy matrimony will be this loose? I guess it is a case of, “he whom the gods have chosen to destroy, they first make mad.”
September 19, 2014

My People Perish

I recently had a lengthy discussion with a friend who resides in the UK. We talked about different things, ranging from what is happening in each other’s lives to general issues facing the country like insecurity, fuel subsidy crisis, etc. We continued until we touched on some of our beliefs in Nigeria which today I find ludicrous or plain stupid. We talked about the ease with which people blame their woes on witches, most times their jealous relatives in the village. We talked about beliefs in the supernatural, the occult, influence of the spirit world on the physical plane and she found that my thoughts were corroborated by one of her childhood experiences which she then shared with me.
When my friend was a kid, her mum used to give her a glass of milk every evening, before bedtime – na ajebo o. As a child, she was always sick and was always taken from one hospital to the other, without any being able to propose any treatment that could give her some respite. Believing it was something spiritual, she was finally taken to the village in the south. Some things were done which she can’t remember completely. However, she remembers that food was cooked and offered to a group of kids that were about her age. They ate the food with their bare hands and were asked to wipe their hands on her body after eating. She was not allowed to eat with them.
Apparently, this was part of some sacrifice, amongst other things , aimed at setting her free from the children of the spirit realm that were trying to get her back to their world. She returned to Lagos after the experience but continued to be sick. Some months or so later, her family relocated to the UK. Not long after, she was taken to the hospital as she continued to be sick. She was diagnosed to be lactose intolerant, milk drinks were stopped and she became well. It was that simple!
As kids growing up in Nigeria, we were told stories and read books about children that came from the spirit realm just to torture their parents for some crime the parents or ancestors committed. They were usually very beautiful/handsome, very delicate, and lovable, yet, always very sick. So sick, that their parents spent all their resources trying to cater for their medical needs. They still ended up dying, only to come back again and continue the torture. Part of the solution we learnt was that, sometimes, the bodies of the dead kids are marked/ mutilated badly to prevent their return or to provide a means of identification when/if they return.
Different cultures in Nigeria have names for them like Abiku, Ogbanje etc. In my mind, I just see a description of children with sickle cell. If a man and woman whose genotypes fall into the AS category have kids, there is a 25% chance of having a child with sickle cell. I remember that in junior secondary school, it was presented as if out of every four kids, one will have an SS genotype and it is usually presented pictorially as the fourth. In reality, it can be the first, second and can even be all four.
Now, there used to be a man in my Grandma’s village who really loved me. I only have pleasant memories of him from our meetings as a kid as he always gave me goodies. However, I remember that there was this year we went home for Christmas and I went to visit my old friend and he gave me sugarcane. I did not eat it until I got to a few steps from the house, then I bit into it with the aim of peeling the hard bamboo-like skin. The next thing was “gboa” on my head as Grandma’s slap made contact and the thunder-like clap reverberated in my ear drum. “Have I not warned you never to take or eat what strangers give to you without my permission?” she screamed. She seized the sugarcane and hid it away. We both forgot about it until about a week later. She asked me to go fetch her something from her store; there I found the sugarcane – rotten!
Years later in the city, we heard that my old friend had passed on. Strange was the fact that news came that before died, he was getting rotten in the leg and this was seen as a sign that he was evil. He killed people with juju, wizardry and all. One can argue that he may have been truly evil and could have initiated or harmed me with the sugarcane if I had eaten it. However, I see parallels between his getting rotten in the leg and a diabetic with a sore and no medical attention.
Also, I remember an old woman we knew as kids, from our Christmas visits to the village, who was said to have been pregnant forever, without delivering the baby. She was quite old and had a big stomach. It was said that she was under some curse or spell by witches. Is it possible that she was suffering from fibroid?
Finally, less than a year ago, the nation was gripped with fear of the Ebola virus which had come into the country through the recklessness and irresponsibility of Patrick Sawyer. A lot of preventive measures were proposed by the health authorities amongst which were regular hand washing, avoiding contact with the infected and avoiding bush meat.
Again, with our gullibility put to the test, we heard about salt baths/drinks, eating of large quantities of bitter kola and other ludicrous tips. The fact that people believed, tried and propagated the broadcast of such spurious cures/preventive measures suggest that even with the level of education of the average Nigerian today and the preponderance of information on the net and otherwise, our society is still steeped in superstition, which can be as a result of intellectual laziness. People will prefer to believe any story that has a touch of mystery or the supernatural to explain problems, irrespective of how illogical it is.
During this period of Ebola crises, I imagined what would have happened if this had started in a remote village or if it had struck in the 1800s. The villagers would have died in their numbers and believing it was a curse from angry gods, would have consulted the oracle or witch doctor. The high priest who usually claims descent from ancient apothecaries or to have been chosen by the gods, if already not consumed by the disease, would have claimed some abomination had been committed and would have used a series of tools of divination to find out the abomination and how to cleanse the land – possibly human sacrifice.
If it is in modern times, people will now run from the cities to get there folks out of the villages and that would have increased contact ratio and caused the disease to spread like wild fire across many cities at the same time. The story wouldn’t have been different from that of the great plague or great influenza in history. In reality, it was easily nipped in the bud because it entered through Lagos and through a standard Hospital with an excellent doctor in the person of late Dr. Stella Adadevoh who raised a red flag immediately Sawyer was suspected to have the virus. Unfortunately, she lost her life in her fight to keep us safe from Ebola. God bless her soul!
As a country, we were able to beat Ebola because fear forced us as a people to learn about how to protect ourselves. There was abundance of information everywhere and people devoured it with insatiable appetite, not just because Ebola was a killer, but because it killed very swiftly and there is no known cure.


The questions then are, must we wait as a people until we are faced with a disease as ruthless as Ebola before we wake up, be informed about everyday matters? How can we still have supposedly educated women who do not understand something as simple as how to count a menstrual cycle in this age? How can we still have guys who believe that by practicing coitus interruptus, there is no chance that a woman can get pregnant? Knowledge, they say is power and our success over Ebola, gives an indication of what we can achieve individually and as a people if we get a bit more aggressive with our quest for knowledge, or, we will continue to die in accordance with the bible verse in Hosea 4:6.

September 11, 2015.